The Reservation for One on the Night the World Stays Together

My name is Ethan. I work as an accountant for a firm in Ortigas. My life is lived in numbers—everything has to balance, everything has to have a place. But no matter how I crunch the data, the math of my relationship with Nicole never adds up.

Nicole and I have been "seeing each other" for two years. At least, that’s what I tell my parents when they ask why I’m always alone during family reunions. In reality, I’m her backup plan. I’m the guy she calls when her "main" life feels too heavy, but I’m never the guy she wants to show off when the lights are the brightest.

Last December was the breaking point, though I didn't have the heart to admit it then. I had planned a Christmas Eve dinner that I’d been saving for since August. I booked a table at a revolving restaurant with a view of the whole city. I bought her a gold necklace—not because I could afford it easily, but because she’d mentioned she felt "plain" lately.

On the 23rd, the message came.

"Eth, I'm so sorry. My 'barkada' from college decided to have a last-minute getaway in Tagaytay. You know how it is, I haven't seen them in ages! And Javy is going to be there... we really need to settle things between us. You don't mind, right? You're so understanding."

Javy is her ex-boyfriend who "doesn't believe in labels" but still calls her at midnight whenever he’s lonely.

"It’s okay, Nic," I typed, my thumbs shaking. "Go ahead. We can just celebrate some other time."

"You're the best! I'll make it up to you, I promise!"

I didn't cancel the reservation. I don't know why. Maybe I hoped she’d change her mind. I ended up sitting at that table for two, surrounded by couples holding hands and families sharing laughter. The waiter kept looking at the empty chair across from me with a pity that felt like a hot iron on my skin. I ate a five-course meal in total silence, watching the city lights twinkle while I knew she was probably clinking glasses with Javy in a cold cabin somewhere.

I spent Christmas Day in my apartment, eating leftovers and watching her Instagram stories. She looked radiant. There was a video of her and Javy singing karaoke, their shoulders touching, her face glowing in the light of a bonfire.

I’ve done this for every holiday. Valentine’s Day, she was "sick," but I later found out she went to a concert with a "work friend." Her birthday, she had a "family-only" dinner, but I saw photos of a huge party I wasn't invited to. I spend my holidays alone, tucked away like a secret she’s ashamed of, while I spend my holiday bonuses on gifts she opens in front of other people.

Last night, she called me. It’s almost Valentine’s again.

"Ethan, are you doing anything next week? Javy and I broke up again—well, we weren't really together, but you know. I’m so depressed. I don't want to be alone on the 14th."

My heart, the fool that it is, skipped a beat. "I'm free, Nicole. I can plan something."

"Actually," she said, her voice turning sweet, "I saw this beautiful resort in Batangas. If you could book a room for me and my best friend Mara, it would really help me clear my head. I just need a 'girl’s trip' to heal. You’re the only one I can trust to help me out with this."

I looked at my calendar. I had already cleared the 14th, hoping she’d finally want to spend it with me. Instead, she wants me to pay for her to go away with someone else.

"Sure, Nic. I'll handle the booking," I said.

I’m sitting here now, entering my credit card details for a luxury suite I’ll never step foot in. I’ll be spending another holiday in my apartment, probably ordering fast food and waiting for her to text me a photo of the beach. I’m an accountant, so I know a bad investment when I see one. I’m pouring my heart and my money into a vacuum, but as long as she keeps calling me "the only one she can trust," I’ll keep sitting at empty tables, waiting for a holiday that will never belong to me.