My Friend Jian Hui, and How Loving the Wrong Girl Almost Destroyed Him

My name is Marcus Tan, I’m from Singapore, and this is the story of my friend —
maybe the biggest simp I’ve ever known — Jian Hui.

He wasn’t always like this.
Back in poly, he was the funny guy, the type who made people laugh without trying.
But everything changed the day he met Alyssa.

She was beautiful, obviously.
But it wasn’t her looks that trapped him — it was the way she made him feel seen… at least in the beginning.

I watched him fall, slowly at first, then all at once.

It started with small favours:

• sending her food at 1 AM

• helping her carry her files across campus

• doing her assignments “because she was stressed”

• topping up her GrabPay when she “accidentally forgot her wallet”

Every time, I asked him:

“Bro, she your girlfriend ah?”

Every time, he said:

“Not yet, but maybe soon.”

But here’s the thing about “maybe soon” —
it’s the biggest lie simps tell themselves.

One day, he told me she was sad over some guy. Not him. Some gym bro she liked.

He spent the whole night consoling her…
and the next morning, he bought her breakfast.

And later that same evening?

She went out with the gym bro again.

I remember his face when he saw her Instagram story.
He looked like someone had stepped on his chest.

That was the first crack.

The second came months later.
He had saved up to buy her a birthday gift — a necklace that cost almost half his pay from his part-time job.

She accepted it with a smile.
She hugged him.

Then she said:

“You’re the sweetest friend, Jian Hui.”

Friend.

That single word crushed him.

But he still didn’t stop.

The final blow came on New Year’s Eve.

We were supposed to celebrate together, but last minute, she called him crying — again.
She needed him to “be there.”
He cancelled all our plans and went.

Do you know what happened?

She used him as a driver to bring her to another guy’s house.

He waited outside in the carpark for two hours…
thinking she just needed “some time to talk.”

When she finally came out, she said:

“Thanks for today, Hui. You’re really like a big brother to me.”

Brother.

That was the moment he broke.

He didn’t cry in front of her.
He saved that for later, sitting alone at Esplanade, staring at the water.
I found him there past midnight.

He didn’t speak for ten minutes.
Then he finally said:

“Marcus… I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

And that’s when I realised the devastating truth:

Simping doesn’t just hurt your pride — it can erase you.
Piece by piece.
Little by little.
Until you wake up one day and you don’t recognise the person staring back at you.

MY ADVICE — WHAT I TOLD HIM THAT NIGHT

1. If you’re always the giver and she’s always the taker — leave.

Love is not a one-way top-up.
If she never invests in you, it’s not love — it’s convenience.

2. Stop chasing “maybe.”

If she likes you, you’ll know.
If she doesn’t, you’ll be confused.
Confusion is your answer.

3. Set boundaries or you’ll lose yourself.

Your time, money, energy — not everyone deserves unlimited access.

4. Never fall for words — watch the actions.

Anyone can say “you’re important to me.”
But if her actions point elsewhere, believe that instead.

**5. Remember this:

Someone who truly wants you will never use you to find someone else.**

EPILOGUE

It took months for Jian Hui to heal.
He started going to the gym, hanging out with friends again, rebuilding himself.

And one day, he told me:

“Bro… thanks for pulling me out.”

But truth is, I didn’t pull him out.
He climbed out on his own —
once he finally stopped lying to himself.